Is sex better when you're in love?
Some people prefer sex as part of a long-term relationship while others find familiarity a real passion killer. Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall takes a closer look at casual and committed sex.
Casual sex
The term 'casual sex' implies there's no commitment to the other person. Although this doesn't necessarily mean there's no sense of responsibility or care, in a casual encounter you're more likely to focus on the here and now. You can enjoy the moment without much thought about what your partner thinks of you or what you think of them. Without the emotional complications of a relationship, you're free to concentrate on physical satisfaction.
Sex with a stranger - for many people, unfamiliarity is the key to casual sex. They find the mystery exciting and, if there's no chance of meeting again, inhibitions can be cast aside. It offers the chance take on a new identity and act out a secret fantasy with little fear of rejection.
Element of risk - danger is generally part of casual sex. There's a sense of being naughty, of tasting the forbidden fruit. Some people deliberately add to their sexual encounters by choosing public places or partners they feel should be off-limits.
Why casual sex can be attractive
Psychological reasons - some people pick up messages during childhood that casual sex is wrong (and therefore more exciting). Others have been left with a fear of intimacy by their experiences.
Physical reasons - when we take risks and feel fear, the sympathetic nervous system is stimulated. Breathing becomes faster, blood pressure rises and adrenalin is released. Our body enters a state of high alert. If you add sexual messages at this point, the body will respond faster.
Sex when you're in love
Italian scientists have discovered that the biochemical state of falling in love is similar to obsessive compulsive disorder. The yearning of couples to be together and learn about each other in intimate detail is overwhelming. They grab every opportunity to show affection and get as close as possible to one another.
During this period sex can be very exciting. There's still some of the mystery of casual sex and also some risk. The difference is that sex is more mutual when we've fallen in love. It's about giving and sharing ourselves physically and emotionally. As well as sexual satisfaction, we can expect to feel emotional fulfilment. Sex becomes the ultimate act of intimacy.
Sex in a long-term relationship
Those Italian scientists say the brain returns to normal after six to 18 months. It seems it's not physically possible to stay in that manic state of obsession with a partner for much longer than that. It's then that we either fall out of love or the relationship matures.
When a relationship matures, sex matures. You now have the advantage of knowing each other well. Fear of rejection is replaced with trust and security. This allows you to move into a stage of experimentation and mutual growth. You can take the time to fine-tune your skills as a lover.
So is sex better when you're in love?
Sex can be exciting whether or not you're in love, and at any stage of a relationship. I believe sex in a loving relationship offers an opportunity to grow together and become great lovers. It may not be possible to recapture the mystery of casual sex but there's a much higher chance of all-round fulfilment.
From casual sex to long-term love
Casual sex : risk, mystery, urgency and focus on physical satisfaction.
Early love : mutual feelings, yearning, giving, affection and focus on physical satisfaction and emotional fulfilment.
Long-term relationship : knowledge, trust, skill, experimentation and focus on deepening physical and emotional satisfaction.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Human sexual behavior
This article is about sexual practices (i.e., physical sex).
Human sexual behavior or human sexual practices or human sexual activities refers to the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. It encompasses a wide range of activities, such as strategies to find or attract partners (mating and display behavior), interactions between individuals, physical or emotional intimacy, and sexual contact.
The term sexual activity can refer both to acts involving two or more people - as in sexual intercourse or oral sex- and to masturbation.
In some cultures sexual activity is considered acceptable only within marriage, although extramarital sex still takes place within such cultures. Some sexual activities are illegal either universally or in some countries, and some are considered against the norms of a society. For example, sexual activity with a minor is a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as is sexual abuse of individuals in general.
Aspects of human sexual behavior
Sexual pleasure
Sexual pleasure is the pleasure a person derives from any kind of sexual activity, most commonly through orgasm. The most common pleasurable sexual activities are masturbation and sexual intercourse (including foreplay). Some people derive sexual pleasure from fetishism and/or BDSM.
Cultural aspects
As with other behaviors, human intelligence and complex societies have produced among the most complicated sexual behaviors of any animal. Most people experiment with a range of sexual activities during their lives, though they tend to engage in only a few of these regularly. Most people enjoy some sexual activities. However, most societies have defined some sexual activities as inappropriate (wrong person, wrong activity, wrong place, etc.) Some people enjoy many different sexual activities, while others avoid sexual activities altogether for religious or other reasons (see chastity, sexual abstinence). Some societies and religions view sex as appropriate only within marriage.
Social norms and rules
Human sexual behavior, like many other kinds of activity engaged in by human beings, is generally governed by social rules that are culturally specific and vary widely. These social rules are referred to as sexual morality (what can and can not be done by society's rules) and sexual norms (what is and is not expected). In the United States, attitudes towards premarital sex and the use of contraceptives correlate to religious beliefs and political affiliation.
Sexual ethics, morals, and norms relate to issues including deception/honesty, legality, fidelity and consent. Some activities, known as sex crimes in some locations, are illegal in some jurisdictions, including those conducted between (or among) consenting and competent adults (examples include sodomy law and adult-adult incest).
Some people who are in a relationship but want to hide homosexual or heterosexual activity from their partner, may solicit consensual sexual activity with others through personal contacts, online chat rooms, or, advertising in select media.
Some people engage in various sexual activities as a business transaction. When this involves having sex with, or performing certain actual sexual acts for another person in exchange for money or something of value, it is called prostitution. Other aspects of the adult industry include (for example) telephone sex operators, strip clubs, pornography and the like.
Nearly all developed societies consider it a serious crime to force someone to engage in sexual behavior or to engage in sexual behavior with someone who does not consent. This is called sexual assault, and if sexual penetration occurs it is called rape, the most serious kind of sexual assault. The details of this distinction may vary among different legal jurisdictions. Also, precisely what constitutes effective consent to have sex varies from culture to culture and is frequently debated. Laws regulating the minimum age at which a person can consent to have sex (age of consent) are frequently the subject of political and moral debate, as is adolescent sexual behavior in general. Additionally, many societies have forced marriage, so consent does not really figure in to the equation of a sex crime.
Frequency of sexual activity
The frequency of sexual intercourse might range from zero (sexual abstinence) to 15 or 20 times a week. In America, the average frequency of sexual intercourse for married couples is 2 to 3 times a week.[5] It is generally recognized that postmenopausal women experience declines in frequency of sexual intercourse and that average frequency of intercourse declines with age. According to the Kinsey Institute, average frequency of sexual intercourse in USA is 112 times per year (age 18-29), 86 times per year (age 30-39), and 69 times per year (age 40-49).
Sympathy sex
Sympathy sex (also called pity sex) is sexual intercourse provided based solely on feelings of sympathy or pity that at least one partner feels for the other. 26% of men and 36% of women have had "pity sex" with someone they felt sorry for.
Safety and ancillary issues
There are three main areas of physical risk in sexual activity:
1. sexually transmitted disease
2. unwanted pregnancy
3. injury or death during BDSM without precautions or with a careless partner
These risks are increased by any condition (temporary or permanent) which impairs one's judgment, such as excess alcohol or other drugs, or emotional states such as loneliness, depression or euphoria. Careful consideration can greatly reduce all of these issues.
Sexual behaviors that involve contact with the bodily fluids of another person entail risk of transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Safe sex practices try to avoid this. These techniques are often seen as less necessary for those in committed relationships with persons known to be free of disease; see fluid bonding.
Due to health concerns arising from HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV and other sexually transmitted infections, some people require potential sex partners to be tested for STDs before engaging in sex.
Sexual behaviors that involve the contact of semen with the vagina or vulva may result in pregnancy. To prevent pregnancy, many people employ a variety of birth control measures. The most popular methods of prevention are condoms, spermicides, hormonal contraception, and sterilization.
Legal issues related to sexual behavior
Same sex laws
Various forms of same-sex sexual activity have been prohibited under law in many areas at different times in history. In 2003, the Lawrence v. Texas United States Supreme Court decision overturned all such laws in the US.
Usually, though not always, such laws are termed sodomy laws, but also include issues such as age of consent laws, decency laws, and so forth. Laws prohibiting same-sex sexuality have varied widely throughout history, varying by culture, religious and social taboos and customs, etc. Often such laws are targeted or applied differently based on sex as well. For example, laws against same-sex sexual behavior in the United Kingdom during the reign of Queen Victoria, sodomy or "buggery" laws were aimed specifically at male same-sex sexual activity and did not target or even address female homosexuality.
Child sexuality
Children are naturally curious about their bodies and sexual functions — they wonder where babies come from, they notice anatomical differences between males and females, and many engage in genital play (often mistaken for masturbation). Child sex play includes exhibiting or inspecting the genitals. Many children take part in some sex play, typically with siblings or friends. In the past, children were often assumed to be sexually "pure", having no sexuality until later development. Sigmund Freud was one of the first researchers to take child sexuality seriously. While his ideas, such as psychosexual development and the Oedipus conflict, have been rejected or labeled obsolete, acknowledging the existence of child sexuality was a milestone. Alfred Kinsey also examined child sexuality in his Kinsey Reports. Sex play with others usually decreases as children go through their elementary school years, yet they still may possess romantic interest in their peers. Curiosity levels remain high during these years, but it is not until adolescence that the main surge in sexual interest occurs.
Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which a child is abused for the sexual gratification of an adult or older adolescent. In addition to direct sexual contact, child sexual abuse also occurs when an adult indecently exposes their genitalia to a child, asks or pressures a child to engage in sexual activities, displays pornography to a child, or uses a child to produce child pornography.
Effects of child sexual abuse include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, propensity to re-victimization in adulthood, and physical injury to the child, among other problems. Sexual abuse by a family member is a form of incest, and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.
Approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; women commit approximately 14% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls. Most offenders who abuse pre-pubescent children are pedophiles, however a small percentage do not meet the diagnostic criteria for pedophilia.
Sexuality in late adulthood
Changes in sexual behavior occur with age and while humans in late adulthood may be impaired by infirmity, relationship needs such as closeness and sensuality remain. Aging produces changes in sexual performance. Men are more likely to experience these changes than women. For men, orgasms become less frequent and usually need more direct stimulation to produce an erection. One out of four men, ages 65 to 80, had severe problems getting or keeping erections and this percentage increased with men over 80 years of age. Yet, the use of drugs to treat erectile dysfunction increases the expectations of older adults to have sex. Despite medical complications and opinions that people in late adulthood should be asexual, many older adults continue to engage in sexual intercourse. The results of a recent interview study involving 3,000 adults 57 to 85 years of age have shown that health plays a role in the level of older adults' sexual activity. The percentage of sexually active older adults is higher for those that are in good health than those in poor health. Older women may be less sexually active due to outliving their partners or men's tendency to marry younger women. While older adults engage in sexual activity, intimacy and companionship tend to be more important than sex.
Human sexual behavior or human sexual practices or human sexual activities refers to the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. It encompasses a wide range of activities, such as strategies to find or attract partners (mating and display behavior), interactions between individuals, physical or emotional intimacy, and sexual contact.
The term sexual activity can refer both to acts involving two or more people - as in sexual intercourse or oral sex- and to masturbation.
In some cultures sexual activity is considered acceptable only within marriage, although extramarital sex still takes place within such cultures. Some sexual activities are illegal either universally or in some countries, and some are considered against the norms of a society. For example, sexual activity with a minor is a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as is sexual abuse of individuals in general.
Aspects of human sexual behavior
Sexual pleasure
Sexual pleasure is the pleasure a person derives from any kind of sexual activity, most commonly through orgasm. The most common pleasurable sexual activities are masturbation and sexual intercourse (including foreplay). Some people derive sexual pleasure from fetishism and/or BDSM.
Cultural aspects
As with other behaviors, human intelligence and complex societies have produced among the most complicated sexual behaviors of any animal. Most people experiment with a range of sexual activities during their lives, though they tend to engage in only a few of these regularly. Most people enjoy some sexual activities. However, most societies have defined some sexual activities as inappropriate (wrong person, wrong activity, wrong place, etc.) Some people enjoy many different sexual activities, while others avoid sexual activities altogether for religious or other reasons (see chastity, sexual abstinence). Some societies and religions view sex as appropriate only within marriage.
Social norms and rules
Human sexual behavior, like many other kinds of activity engaged in by human beings, is generally governed by social rules that are culturally specific and vary widely. These social rules are referred to as sexual morality (what can and can not be done by society's rules) and sexual norms (what is and is not expected). In the United States, attitudes towards premarital sex and the use of contraceptives correlate to religious beliefs and political affiliation.
Sexual ethics, morals, and norms relate to issues including deception/honesty, legality, fidelity and consent. Some activities, known as sex crimes in some locations, are illegal in some jurisdictions, including those conducted between (or among) consenting and competent adults (examples include sodomy law and adult-adult incest).
Some people who are in a relationship but want to hide homosexual or heterosexual activity from their partner, may solicit consensual sexual activity with others through personal contacts, online chat rooms, or, advertising in select media.
Some people engage in various sexual activities as a business transaction. When this involves having sex with, or performing certain actual sexual acts for another person in exchange for money or something of value, it is called prostitution. Other aspects of the adult industry include (for example) telephone sex operators, strip clubs, pornography and the like.
Nearly all developed societies consider it a serious crime to force someone to engage in sexual behavior or to engage in sexual behavior with someone who does not consent. This is called sexual assault, and if sexual penetration occurs it is called rape, the most serious kind of sexual assault. The details of this distinction may vary among different legal jurisdictions. Also, precisely what constitutes effective consent to have sex varies from culture to culture and is frequently debated. Laws regulating the minimum age at which a person can consent to have sex (age of consent) are frequently the subject of political and moral debate, as is adolescent sexual behavior in general. Additionally, many societies have forced marriage, so consent does not really figure in to the equation of a sex crime.
Frequency of sexual activity
The frequency of sexual intercourse might range from zero (sexual abstinence) to 15 or 20 times a week. In America, the average frequency of sexual intercourse for married couples is 2 to 3 times a week.[5] It is generally recognized that postmenopausal women experience declines in frequency of sexual intercourse and that average frequency of intercourse declines with age. According to the Kinsey Institute, average frequency of sexual intercourse in USA is 112 times per year (age 18-29), 86 times per year (age 30-39), and 69 times per year (age 40-49).
Sympathy sex
Sympathy sex (also called pity sex) is sexual intercourse provided based solely on feelings of sympathy or pity that at least one partner feels for the other. 26% of men and 36% of women have had "pity sex" with someone they felt sorry for.
Safety and ancillary issues
There are three main areas of physical risk in sexual activity:
1. sexually transmitted disease
2. unwanted pregnancy
3. injury or death during BDSM without precautions or with a careless partner
These risks are increased by any condition (temporary or permanent) which impairs one's judgment, such as excess alcohol or other drugs, or emotional states such as loneliness, depression or euphoria. Careful consideration can greatly reduce all of these issues.
Sexual behaviors that involve contact with the bodily fluids of another person entail risk of transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Safe sex practices try to avoid this. These techniques are often seen as less necessary for those in committed relationships with persons known to be free of disease; see fluid bonding.
Due to health concerns arising from HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV and other sexually transmitted infections, some people require potential sex partners to be tested for STDs before engaging in sex.
Sexual behaviors that involve the contact of semen with the vagina or vulva may result in pregnancy. To prevent pregnancy, many people employ a variety of birth control measures. The most popular methods of prevention are condoms, spermicides, hormonal contraception, and sterilization.
Legal issues related to sexual behavior
Same sex laws
Various forms of same-sex sexual activity have been prohibited under law in many areas at different times in history. In 2003, the Lawrence v. Texas United States Supreme Court decision overturned all such laws in the US.
Usually, though not always, such laws are termed sodomy laws, but also include issues such as age of consent laws, decency laws, and so forth. Laws prohibiting same-sex sexuality have varied widely throughout history, varying by culture, religious and social taboos and customs, etc. Often such laws are targeted or applied differently based on sex as well. For example, laws against same-sex sexual behavior in the United Kingdom during the reign of Queen Victoria, sodomy or "buggery" laws were aimed specifically at male same-sex sexual activity and did not target or even address female homosexuality.
Child sexuality
Children are naturally curious about their bodies and sexual functions — they wonder where babies come from, they notice anatomical differences between males and females, and many engage in genital play (often mistaken for masturbation). Child sex play includes exhibiting or inspecting the genitals. Many children take part in some sex play, typically with siblings or friends. In the past, children were often assumed to be sexually "pure", having no sexuality until later development. Sigmund Freud was one of the first researchers to take child sexuality seriously. While his ideas, such as psychosexual development and the Oedipus conflict, have been rejected or labeled obsolete, acknowledging the existence of child sexuality was a milestone. Alfred Kinsey also examined child sexuality in his Kinsey Reports. Sex play with others usually decreases as children go through their elementary school years, yet they still may possess romantic interest in their peers. Curiosity levels remain high during these years, but it is not until adolescence that the main surge in sexual interest occurs.
Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which a child is abused for the sexual gratification of an adult or older adolescent. In addition to direct sexual contact, child sexual abuse also occurs when an adult indecently exposes their genitalia to a child, asks or pressures a child to engage in sexual activities, displays pornography to a child, or uses a child to produce child pornography.
Effects of child sexual abuse include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, propensity to re-victimization in adulthood, and physical injury to the child, among other problems. Sexual abuse by a family member is a form of incest, and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.
Approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; women commit approximately 14% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls. Most offenders who abuse pre-pubescent children are pedophiles, however a small percentage do not meet the diagnostic criteria for pedophilia.
Sexuality in late adulthood
Changes in sexual behavior occur with age and while humans in late adulthood may be impaired by infirmity, relationship needs such as closeness and sensuality remain. Aging produces changes in sexual performance. Men are more likely to experience these changes than women. For men, orgasms become less frequent and usually need more direct stimulation to produce an erection. One out of four men, ages 65 to 80, had severe problems getting or keeping erections and this percentage increased with men over 80 years of age. Yet, the use of drugs to treat erectile dysfunction increases the expectations of older adults to have sex. Despite medical complications and opinions that people in late adulthood should be asexual, many older adults continue to engage in sexual intercourse. The results of a recent interview study involving 3,000 adults 57 to 85 years of age have shown that health plays a role in the level of older adults' sexual activity. The percentage of sexually active older adults is higher for those that are in good health than those in poor health. Older women may be less sexually active due to outliving their partners or men's tendency to marry younger women. While older adults engage in sexual activity, intimacy and companionship tend to be more important than sex.
Human sexuality
This article is about human sexual perceptions.
Human sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings. Human sexuality has many aspects. Biologically, sexuality refers to the reproductive mechanism as well as the basic biological drive that exists in all species and can encompass sexual intercourse and sexual contact in all its forms. There are also emotional or physical aspect of sexuality, which refers to the bond that exists between individuals, which may be expressed through profound feelings or emotions, and which may be manifested in physical or medical concerns about the physiological or even psychological aspects of sexual behaviour. Sociologically, it can cover the cultural, political, and legal aspects; and philosophically, it can span the moral, ethical, theological, spiritual or religious aspects.
Recent studies on human sexuality have highlighted that sexual aspects are of major importance in building up personal identity and to social evolution of individuals:
“Human sexuality is not simply imposed by instinct or stereotypical conducts, as it happens in animals, but it is influenced both by superior mental activity and by social, cultural, educational and normative characteristics of those places where the subjects grow up and their personality develops. Consequently, the analysis of sexual sphere must be based on the convergence of several lines of development such as affectivity, emotions and relations”.
In many historical eras, recovered art and artifacts help to portray human sexuality of the time period.
Biology and physiology
The biological aspects of human sexuality deal with human reproduction and the physical means with which to carry it out. They also deal with the influence of biological factors on other aspects of sexuality, such as organic and neurological responses, heredity, hormonal issues, gender issues and sexual dysfunction.
Sociocultural aspects
Human sexuality can also be understood as part of the social life of humans, governed by implied rules of behavior and the status quo. This focus narrows the view to groups within a society. The sociocultural aspect examines influences on and from social norms, including media such as politics and the mass media. These sorts of media can help to bring about massive changes in the social norm — examples include the sexual revolution and the rise of feminism.
The link between constructed sex meanings and racial ideologies has been studied. Sexual meanings are constructed to maintain racial-ethnic-national boundaries, by denigration of "others" and regulation of sexual behavior within the group. "Both adherence to and deviation from such approved behaviors, define and reinforce racial, ethnic, and nationalist regimes."
At what age and the manner in which children are informed of issues of sexuality is a matter of sex education. Almost all western countries have some form of sex education within an educational environment, but the nature of the issues covered varies widely. In some countries (such as Australia and much of Europe) "age-appropriate" sex education often begins in pre-school, whereas other countries leave sex education to the pre-teenage and teenage years. Sex education covers a range of topics, including the physical, mental, and social aspects of sexual behavior.
Psychological aspects
Sexuality in humans generates profound emotional and psychological responses. Some theorists identify sexuality as the central source of human personality.
Psychological studies of sexuality focus on psychological influences that affect sexual behavior and experiences. Early psychological analyses were carried out by Sigmund Freud, who believed in a psychoanalytic approach. He also conjectured the concepts of erogenous zones, psychosexual development, and the Oedipus complex, among others.
Behavior theorists such as John B. Watson and B. F. Skinner examine the actions and consequences and their ramifications. These theorists would, for example, study a child who is punished for sexual exploration and see if they grow up to associate negative feelings with sex in general. Social-learning theorists use similar concepts, but focus on cognitive activity and modeling.
Gender identity is a person's own sense of identification as female, male, both, neither, or somewhere in between. The social construction of gender has been discussed by a wide variety of scholars, Judith Butler notable among them. Recent contributions consider the influence of feminist theory and courtship research.
Sexual behavior
Human sexual behavior encompasses the search for a partner or partners, interactions between individuals, physical, emotional intimacy, and sexual contact. Some cultures discriminate against sexual contact outside of marriage; however, extramarital sexual activity is pervasive. Unprotected sex may result unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. In most areas, sexual abuse of individuals is prohibited by law and considered against the norms of society.
Sexual activity and lifestyles
Heterosexuality
Heterosexuality involves individuals of opposite sexes.
Different-sex sexual practices are limited by laws in many places. In some countries, mostly those where religion has a strong influence on social policy, marriage laws serve the purpose of encouraging people to only have sex within marriage. Sodomy laws were seen as discouraging same-sex sexual practices, but may affect opposite-sex sexual practices. Laws also ban adults from committing sexual abuse, committing sexual acts with anyone under an age of consent, performing sexual activities in public, and engaging in sexual activities for money (prostitution). Though these laws cover both same-sex and opposite-sex sexual activities, they may differ with regards to punishment, and may be more frequently (or exclusively) enforced on those who engage in same-sex sexual activities.
Courtship, or dating, is the process through which some people choose potential sexual partners. Among heterosexual adolescents in the mid-20th century in America, dating was something one could do with multiple people before choosing to enter a committed relationship.
Different-sex sexual practices may be monogamous, serially monogamous, or polyamorous, and, depending on the definition of sexual practice, abstinent or autoerotic (including masturbation).
Different religious and political movements have tried to influence or control changes in sexual practices including courting and marriage, though in most countries changes occur at a slow rate.
Homosexuality
Same-sex sexuality involves individuals of the same sex. It is possible for a person whose sexual identity is mainly heterosexual to engage in sexual acts with people of the same sex. For example, mutual masturbation in the context of what may be considered normal heterosexual teen development. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who pretend to be heterosexual are often referred to as being closeted, hiding their sexuality in "the closet". "Closet case" is a derogatory term used to refer to people who hide their sexuality. Making that orientation (semi-) public can be called "coming out" in the case of voluntary disclosure or "outing" in the case of disclosure by others against the subject's wishes. Among some communities (called "men on the DL" or "down-low"), same-sex sexual behavior is sometimes viewed as solely for physical pleasure. Men on the "down-low" may engage in sex acts with other men while continuing sexual and romantic relationships with women.
The definition of homosexuality is a preference to members of one's own sex, though people who engage exclusively in same-sex sexual practices may not identify themselves as bisexual, gay or lesbian. In sex-segregated environments, individuals may seek relationships with others of their own gender (known as situational homosexuality). In other cases, some people may experiment or explore their sexuality with same (and/or different) sex sexual activity before defining their sexual identity. Despite stereotypes and common misconceptions, there are no forms of sexual activity exclusive to same-sex sexual behavior that can not also be found in opposite-sex sexual behavior, save those involving contact of the same sex genitalia such as tribadism and frot.
Auto-erotic sexuality
Autoeroticism is sexual activity that does not involve another person as partner. It can involve masturbation, though several paraphilias require a partner.
Though many autoerotic practices are relatively physically safe, some can be dangerous. These include autoerotic asphyxiation and self-bondage. The potential for injury or even death that exists while engaging in the partnered versions of these fetishes (choking and bondage, respectively) becomes drastically increased due to the isolation and lack of assistance in the event of a problem.
Coercive and abusive sexuality
Sexual activity can also encompass sexual abuse — that is, coercive or abusive use of sexuality. Examples include: rape, lust murder, child sexual abuse, and zoosadism (animal abuse which may be sexual in nature), as well as (in many countries) certain non-consensual paraphilias such as frotteurism, telephone scatophilia (indecent phonecalls), and non-consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism (known as "indecent exposure" and "peeping tom" respectively).
Sexual pleasure
Sexual pleasure is pleasure derived from any kind of sexual activity. Though orgasm is generally known, sexual pleasure includes erotic pleasure during foreplay, and pleasure due to fetish or BDSM.
Study of sexuality
In contemporary academia, sexuality is studied in the fields of sexology and gender and sexuality studies, among many other fields.
Foucault
Michel Foucault wrote in The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1: An Introduction
, the concept of what activities and sensations are "sexual" is historically (as well as regionally and culturally) determined, and it is therefore part of a changing "discourse". The sexual meanings (meanings of the erotic dimension of human sexual experience), are social and cultural constructs, they are made subjective only after cultural and social mediation. Being the main force conditioning human relationship, sex is essentially political. In any social context, the construction of a "sexual universe" is fundamentally linked to the structures of power. The construction of sexual meanings, is an instrument by which social institutions (religion, marketing, the educational system, psychiatry, etc.) control and shape human relationships.
According to Foucault, sexuality began to be regarded as a concept part of human nature since the 19th century; so sexuality began to be used as a mean to define normality and its boundaries, and to conceive everything outside those boundaries in the realm of psychopathology. In the 20th century, with the theories of Sigmund Freud and of sexology, the "not-normal" was seen more as a "discontent of civilization" In a well known passage of his work, Foucault noted that the development of the notion of sexuality organized sex as a "fictitious unity" of "disparate parts, functions, behaviours, and feelings with no natural or necessary relation among them"; therefore the conception of what is "natural" is a social construct. To escape this cultural "sexuality" Foucault suggest to focus on "bodies and pleasures".
Human sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings. Human sexuality has many aspects. Biologically, sexuality refers to the reproductive mechanism as well as the basic biological drive that exists in all species and can encompass sexual intercourse and sexual contact in all its forms. There are also emotional or physical aspect of sexuality, which refers to the bond that exists between individuals, which may be expressed through profound feelings or emotions, and which may be manifested in physical or medical concerns about the physiological or even psychological aspects of sexual behaviour. Sociologically, it can cover the cultural, political, and legal aspects; and philosophically, it can span the moral, ethical, theological, spiritual or religious aspects.
Recent studies on human sexuality have highlighted that sexual aspects are of major importance in building up personal identity and to social evolution of individuals:
“Human sexuality is not simply imposed by instinct or stereotypical conducts, as it happens in animals, but it is influenced both by superior mental activity and by social, cultural, educational and normative characteristics of those places where the subjects grow up and their personality develops. Consequently, the analysis of sexual sphere must be based on the convergence of several lines of development such as affectivity, emotions and relations”.
In many historical eras, recovered art and artifacts help to portray human sexuality of the time period.
Biology and physiology
The biological aspects of human sexuality deal with human reproduction and the physical means with which to carry it out. They also deal with the influence of biological factors on other aspects of sexuality, such as organic and neurological responses, heredity, hormonal issues, gender issues and sexual dysfunction.
Sociocultural aspects
Human sexuality can also be understood as part of the social life of humans, governed by implied rules of behavior and the status quo. This focus narrows the view to groups within a society. The sociocultural aspect examines influences on and from social norms, including media such as politics and the mass media. These sorts of media can help to bring about massive changes in the social norm — examples include the sexual revolution and the rise of feminism.
The link between constructed sex meanings and racial ideologies has been studied. Sexual meanings are constructed to maintain racial-ethnic-national boundaries, by denigration of "others" and regulation of sexual behavior within the group. "Both adherence to and deviation from such approved behaviors, define and reinforce racial, ethnic, and nationalist regimes."
At what age and the manner in which children are informed of issues of sexuality is a matter of sex education. Almost all western countries have some form of sex education within an educational environment, but the nature of the issues covered varies widely. In some countries (such as Australia and much of Europe) "age-appropriate" sex education often begins in pre-school, whereas other countries leave sex education to the pre-teenage and teenage years. Sex education covers a range of topics, including the physical, mental, and social aspects of sexual behavior.
Psychological aspects
Sexuality in humans generates profound emotional and psychological responses. Some theorists identify sexuality as the central source of human personality.
Psychological studies of sexuality focus on psychological influences that affect sexual behavior and experiences. Early psychological analyses were carried out by Sigmund Freud, who believed in a psychoanalytic approach. He also conjectured the concepts of erogenous zones, psychosexual development, and the Oedipus complex, among others.
Behavior theorists such as John B. Watson and B. F. Skinner examine the actions and consequences and their ramifications. These theorists would, for example, study a child who is punished for sexual exploration and see if they grow up to associate negative feelings with sex in general. Social-learning theorists use similar concepts, but focus on cognitive activity and modeling.
Gender identity is a person's own sense of identification as female, male, both, neither, or somewhere in between. The social construction of gender has been discussed by a wide variety of scholars, Judith Butler notable among them. Recent contributions consider the influence of feminist theory and courtship research.
Sexual behavior
Human sexual behavior encompasses the search for a partner or partners, interactions between individuals, physical, emotional intimacy, and sexual contact. Some cultures discriminate against sexual contact outside of marriage; however, extramarital sexual activity is pervasive. Unprotected sex may result unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. In most areas, sexual abuse of individuals is prohibited by law and considered against the norms of society.
Sexual activity and lifestyles
Heterosexuality
Heterosexuality involves individuals of opposite sexes.
Different-sex sexual practices are limited by laws in many places. In some countries, mostly those where religion has a strong influence on social policy, marriage laws serve the purpose of encouraging people to only have sex within marriage. Sodomy laws were seen as discouraging same-sex sexual practices, but may affect opposite-sex sexual practices. Laws also ban adults from committing sexual abuse, committing sexual acts with anyone under an age of consent, performing sexual activities in public, and engaging in sexual activities for money (prostitution). Though these laws cover both same-sex and opposite-sex sexual activities, they may differ with regards to punishment, and may be more frequently (or exclusively) enforced on those who engage in same-sex sexual activities.
Courtship, or dating, is the process through which some people choose potential sexual partners. Among heterosexual adolescents in the mid-20th century in America, dating was something one could do with multiple people before choosing to enter a committed relationship.
Different-sex sexual practices may be monogamous, serially monogamous, or polyamorous, and, depending on the definition of sexual practice, abstinent or autoerotic (including masturbation).
Different religious and political movements have tried to influence or control changes in sexual practices including courting and marriage, though in most countries changes occur at a slow rate.
Homosexuality
Same-sex sexuality involves individuals of the same sex. It is possible for a person whose sexual identity is mainly heterosexual to engage in sexual acts with people of the same sex. For example, mutual masturbation in the context of what may be considered normal heterosexual teen development. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who pretend to be heterosexual are often referred to as being closeted, hiding their sexuality in "the closet". "Closet case" is a derogatory term used to refer to people who hide their sexuality. Making that orientation (semi-) public can be called "coming out" in the case of voluntary disclosure or "outing" in the case of disclosure by others against the subject's wishes. Among some communities (called "men on the DL" or "down-low"), same-sex sexual behavior is sometimes viewed as solely for physical pleasure. Men on the "down-low" may engage in sex acts with other men while continuing sexual and romantic relationships with women.
The definition of homosexuality is a preference to members of one's own sex, though people who engage exclusively in same-sex sexual practices may not identify themselves as bisexual, gay or lesbian. In sex-segregated environments, individuals may seek relationships with others of their own gender (known as situational homosexuality). In other cases, some people may experiment or explore their sexuality with same (and/or different) sex sexual activity before defining their sexual identity. Despite stereotypes and common misconceptions, there are no forms of sexual activity exclusive to same-sex sexual behavior that can not also be found in opposite-sex sexual behavior, save those involving contact of the same sex genitalia such as tribadism and frot.
Auto-erotic sexuality
Autoeroticism is sexual activity that does not involve another person as partner. It can involve masturbation, though several paraphilias require a partner.
Though many autoerotic practices are relatively physically safe, some can be dangerous. These include autoerotic asphyxiation and self-bondage. The potential for injury or even death that exists while engaging in the partnered versions of these fetishes (choking and bondage, respectively) becomes drastically increased due to the isolation and lack of assistance in the event of a problem.
Coercive and abusive sexuality
Sexual activity can also encompass sexual abuse — that is, coercive or abusive use of sexuality. Examples include: rape, lust murder, child sexual abuse, and zoosadism (animal abuse which may be sexual in nature), as well as (in many countries) certain non-consensual paraphilias such as frotteurism, telephone scatophilia (indecent phonecalls), and non-consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism (known as "indecent exposure" and "peeping tom" respectively).
Sexual pleasure
Sexual pleasure is pleasure derived from any kind of sexual activity. Though orgasm is generally known, sexual pleasure includes erotic pleasure during foreplay, and pleasure due to fetish or BDSM.
Study of sexuality
In contemporary academia, sexuality is studied in the fields of sexology and gender and sexuality studies, among many other fields.
Foucault
Michel Foucault wrote in The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1: An Introduction
, the concept of what activities and sensations are "sexual" is historically (as well as regionally and culturally) determined, and it is therefore part of a changing "discourse". The sexual meanings (meanings of the erotic dimension of human sexual experience), are social and cultural constructs, they are made subjective only after cultural and social mediation. Being the main force conditioning human relationship, sex is essentially political. In any social context, the construction of a "sexual universe" is fundamentally linked to the structures of power. The construction of sexual meanings, is an instrument by which social institutions (religion, marketing, the educational system, psychiatry, etc.) control and shape human relationships.
According to Foucault, sexuality began to be regarded as a concept part of human nature since the 19th century; so sexuality began to be used as a mean to define normality and its boundaries, and to conceive everything outside those boundaries in the realm of psychopathology. In the 20th century, with the theories of Sigmund Freud and of sexology, the "not-normal" was seen more as a "discontent of civilization" In a well known passage of his work, Foucault noted that the development of the notion of sexuality organized sex as a "fictitious unity" of "disparate parts, functions, behaviours, and feelings with no natural or necessary relation among them"; therefore the conception of what is "natural" is a social construct. To escape this cultural "sexuality" Foucault suggest to focus on "bodies and pleasures".
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile
How do you get to that special guy with all the other women vying for his attention? Fear not! We asked single fellas what they want to see in women's profiles, and here's what they said:
1. Photos
It's no secret that men are visual, so photos are an obvious requirement. And research shows men are 14 times more likely to check out a profile with a photo. But what do they like to see in those photos?
"A smiling face" says Norman, 32, of Winooskie, VT. "But not a fake smile, or one that makes her look like she's on mood elevators. Just a natural, engaging grin."
Dave, 26, likes to see hair. "I can tell a lot from your haircut. If it's really done up, you're probably prissy or high-maintenance. If looks more natural, you're probably laid back and practical. And if it's under a hat, you probably have something to hide!"
Eyes are important, too. "A direct gaze is nicest," says Roland, 45, of Evanston, IL. "I like feeling as though she's looking me in the eye."
"A body shot is nice for an alternate photo," notes Carl, 50, of Novato, CA. "I don't need to see her in a bikini or anything, but a photo that gives me an idea of her physique is helpful."
Continued Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile
1. Photos
It's no secret that men are visual, so photos are an obvious requirement. And research shows men are 14 times more likely to check out a profile with a photo. But what do they like to see in those photos?
"A smiling face" says Norman, 32, of Winooskie, VT. "But not a fake smile, or one that makes her look like she's on mood elevators. Just a natural, engaging grin."
Dave, 26, likes to see hair. "I can tell a lot from your haircut. If it's really done up, you're probably prissy or high-maintenance. If looks more natural, you're probably laid back and practical. And if it's under a hat, you probably have something to hide!"
Eyes are important, too. "A direct gaze is nicest," says Roland, 45, of Evanston, IL. "I like feeling as though she's looking me in the eye."
"A body shot is nice for an alternate photo," notes Carl, 50, of Novato, CA. "I don't need to see her in a bikini or anything, but a photo that gives me an idea of her physique is helpful."
Continued Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile
Expert Flirting Tips
Some people are natural flirts, but what if you're not one of those people? We've compiled 10 expert tips on flirting that even the most timid of singles can use.
10. Flirting is an attitude
A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive — it works!
9. Start a conversation
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.
8. Have fun
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.
7. Use props
Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, unusual ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper.
6. Be the host
Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you're the welcome committee.
5-1 continued ...Expert Flirting Tips
10. Flirting is an attitude
A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive — it works!
9. Start a conversation
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.
8. Have fun
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.
7. Use props
Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, unusual ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper.
6. Be the host
Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you're the welcome committee.
5-1 continued ...Expert Flirting Tips
How Much Does Chemistry Count?
Chemistry. What is it? It’s that… well, thing. That “I need to see this person again” impulse. Or that “We click” feeling. But what causes it? Does it need to happen naturally, or can you create it? Does it die over time, or are there tricks to keep the sparks flying? To explore these questions and more, we gathered together a group of real people and experts to delve into this titillating topic. Here’s what they had to say—see if you agree, and glean a few tricks on generating more chemistry in your own dating life.
The Subjects:
Joyce Catlett, MA, mental health specialist and author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships
David Givens, Ph.D, anthropologist and author of Love Signals
Sean and Alison, 36-year old newlyweds who met on Match.com and are now living in Rancho Cucamonga, CA with their blended family
Michael, 35-year-old single man from Denver, Colorado
Pamela, 29-year-old single woman from Seattle, Washington
Continued here How Much Does Chemistry Count?
The Subjects:
Joyce Catlett, MA, mental health specialist and author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships
David Givens, Ph.D, anthropologist and author of Love Signals
Sean and Alison, 36-year old newlyweds who met on Match.com and are now living in Rancho Cucamonga, CA with their blended family
Michael, 35-year-old single man from Denver, Colorado
Pamela, 29-year-old single woman from Seattle, Washington
Continued here How Much Does Chemistry Count?
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